Scroll down to the bottom of the page
to see a video of Gretta
and pictures from her funeral

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Here I Am

Here I am Lord, can you see me?
I've fallen prostrate before you weeping.

When I call on You and enter Your Throne Room
My heart I show You open and bleeding.

Do You hear me? Can You tell me?
Can't You just show me my little girl?

What is she doing, are You holding her?
Is she playing, swimming, growing?

Why have You left me here in this world?
Can't I come home to You too and see her?

What is my purpose now? What is Your plan?
How can I keep on traveling in this foreign land?

I know You are Almighty, Sovereign and Good?
But I can't see Your plan the way that I should.

How long Lord must I grieve for my child?
How long Lord until I hold her again?
How long until I feel normal?
How long until I stop crying?
How long until I can feel anything at all?

Do You see me? Can You reveal something to me?
I am empty, voided and chilled. Fill me Lord.
Show me the way. Not another day, no. Not another day.


Alex Jerry; Stephanie Jerry said...

Hold on, Lesley. Just hold on one more day.

Nicole said...

Exodus 33:21-23,
"Stand here on this rock beside me. As my glorious presence passes by, I will put you in the cleft of the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed. Then I will remove my hand, and you will see me from behind. But my face will not be seen."

I share that because in our BIble study last week the speaker suggested that in our darkest times, in those times when we fear that maybe God doesn't hear us anymore, that he doesn't care, or doesn't see, it's in those times that we can rest knowing that maybe it's dark because God is hiding us in the cleft of the rock. And when he removes his hand from your face it will be Him you see!

I've been going through this Bible study and find myself thinking of you often! Something else pointed out to me was that, for the Israelites God assured them He would provide, in the form of giving them manna daily, but they had to gather it. They could not sit in their tents and receive it.

To receive God's blessings we have to gather them each day. I know my prayer for myself lately has been that I would see those blessings for what they were and that I would gather them. That I wouldn't grow complacent and wait for God's blessings to just fall on me. That I had a part in all of this.

I pray too for you Lesley that you would have the strength to get up each morning and gather your blessings. Even more I pray that you'll be able to see them because I can imagine it's awfully hard in the midst of loneliness and grief to see any blessings.

I went to a concert on Saturday night, a Jeremy Camp concert, and his last song was, "There will be a day with no more tears, no more sorrow, no more fears. There will be a day when the burdens of this place will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face..." I cried through the whole thing reminded of your suffering, reminded of Gretta and the tears that have been shed for the loss of her precious life.

I don't know that any of this can really bring any solace but I want you to at least know that the prayers on your behalf have not stopped. Even if you're tempted to believe the lie that God no longer hears you know that He cannot ignore the prayers of hundreds, maybe more.

I love you Lesley, I pray that you'll find rest, if even just for tonight.

Georgia said...

Lesley,hold on child, it's always darkest befor the dawn. Spring is coming, hold on. I have been where you are,with all my heart I wanted to go find her, see her hold her. But our time will come, long after we have found and given joy to our remaining childern, then grand childern. You are still here because your work is not done. You have so much to teach others. Stand up say "OK Lord I'm willing to wait and do what your will is. Ok Lord." You're life has been so hard, life on earth is hard.You knew it would be when you left the room of souls, when you said yes Lord I'll go do this for you. When its over , when you get to those golden gates and he will say well done my child. And that baby will run to you and say mommy you did good. You can and you will do this.So many are looking to you now, show them what the Lord can do and what you can do for him. Show everyone how the Lord can put joy back in hearts even after losing a part of your heart.Gretta is having so much fun, remember time is not the same there as here.Also remember there is no sadness in heaven. Everyone needs that happy fun loving Lesley back again. Don't let her die, they have lost enough. Georgia

4Him4Ever said...

I am so sorry to read of your anguish. He hears.

PLEASE go to this sister's blog. She is in the same process, just a little further down the road.

michelle said...

Oh how I fell your pain when I hear your words. I can't imagine the suffering that you bear. I am a friend that loves you so much and I will do anything just ask... love always michelle