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to see a video of Gretta
and pictures from her funeral

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Undercurrent

Haven't written for awhile. Thoughts in my head haven't made it to the page. Maybe it's the endless winter, maybe it's the scare of spring actually coming. That grass that Gretta last walked on, coming back to life, with no Gretta to trample around on it.

We have sold our house. It was really what I like to call, "A God Thing". Matt and I had talked awhile ago and shared with each other how our house was sort of dragging us down. Especially for me, I've said it already, but it's sort of like living at the scene of the accident. After Gretta died, we replaced the living room couches. (I found her on one of the couches in front of the window.) It didn't help. I'm a homebody by nature, so I don't do a lot of running around. I like being home, but I'm pretty sure being there wasn't doing me a whole lot of good.

Anyway, we decided to sell. With the market the way it is, I had big doubts that it would sell easily or quickly, but we had peace that if God wanted us out, He would sell it. As I signed the papers with our sweet realtor, I told him, "If this house is going to sell, God's going to have sell it!" 2 days later and 4 showings (not to mention a 9 year old birthday sleepover with 8 boys), our house sold to the highest bidder for eight thousand more than we were asking. So like my mom has always said, "God doesn't do anything 1/2 way!" Really when you consider all that the market offers out there, it is definetly God who gets the glory for selling our little rambler in two days!

Since last week then it has been a whirlwind of decisions, packing, marking garage sale stuff, cleaning out closets, getting boxes, finding another place to live, etc. I am so thankful for my dear sister and friend Katie who have been so hardworking and helpful and encouraging to me daily. At this point they really have done most of the labor. As well as Christina and I'm sure there will be more friends to come. I've been so blessed in the last 7 months with friends sharing all my burdens with me and keeping me afloat in more ways than one. I couldn't feel more loved or blessed by this.

As all these things are swirling around above me: trying to find a new house, deciding where to live, packing, etc., there is an undercurrent running beneath me. This grief, no matter how busy or different my life becomes, it is always there threatening to take me under.

I take my Bible and my heartfelt prayers and a quiet room and give it to God. It is amazing to me how He responds to me in Scripture, even without reading it, He comes to me that way with His promises. "Lean not on your own understanding, cast all your cares on me, I am the way, I have plans for your life, I will send my Spirit to counsel you," and I rest in this. I gave Him my list with thanksgiving. Thankful for the friends, the family, the working vehicles, the privilege to know Him, the peace that comes only through Him. Honestly, there is nothing or no other way to find peace.

I am a human storm. For now, it's just there all the time, this raging sea, the high winds, the undercurrent.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

oh sweet sister.. all I can say is.. YOUR ALIVE.. and Im happy. Happy that I can spend every day with you, laugh with you, cry with you, and irritate you.. oh wait.. thats not with you.. oh well.. what are sisters for!!

ben and erin said...

what an incredible God. 2 days and $8000 more?! i love what your mom said, that God doesn't do anything half way. what a blessing.

i can imagine it will be bittersweet to move out of the home that you raised gretta in. but i'm praying that with your move you can have a new start and that God will continue to bring healing to you and matt and the kids.

The Amazing Trips said...

I just stumbled upon your blog tonight and I wanted to tell you how terribly sorry I am for the loss of your precious and beautiful little girl.

Congratulations on the sale of your house and my very best wishes for long, happy, love filled days in your new home. You are in my heart.