The Night That Is Mourning

Those first few days after

When my body was buzzing and my brain was humming

I would walk outside and stare into the night,

that was mourning

Seeing her there, in the shadow of the moon, walking to me

"Give her back!" I would cry it out loud into the night, that was mourning

Hearing her there in the rustling of the fallen leaves, her little soft footsteps coming to me

While my brain was humming still, so loudly it was and my body would buzz with the pain

Every breath that came was sharp and angled and dust and it hurt

I would go into the shower, when I was reminded and I would wrench myself into the drain until I thought I would come inside out. Late into the night, that was mourning

I would stare at the stars and expect her little face to pop out at me there, her voice singing to my desperate soul, the only consolation it wanted, babygirl all day and long into the night, that was mourning

My shaking hands brushing over the pictures of her, trying to feel her there in the cold paper, waiting to feel the flesh that I had held so sweetly for a last time, already gone. Into the night that was mourning

Days would pass by and months even, the buzzing of my body stops and the humming of my brain subsides sometimes. Into the night, that is mourning

July 29, 2009