Scroll down to the bottom of the page
to see a video of Gretta
and pictures from her funeral

Sunday, October 5, 2008

One Month and a Day

Me, Jordi & Mason

My Mom & Gretta

Well, the calendar says that it's been one month now, so why does it seem like yesterday that Gretta died? I really don't know. This grieving part of the human process is exhausting. Like Matt said tonight, I just want to get to the part where we can say, "Look, see all the great things God did with that? Isn't it amazing how God used a tragedy for His good? I miss her but I see 'The Big Picture' now!"

Well folks! We are not there yet! But for me, I can honestly say, that God is good and each day He gives me a little piece of the puzzle that is our lives. A little glimpse of the greater good. And for a little while it calms my soul, quiets my anguish, dries my tears. But I return to the grief because I am human and it is there waiting for me to come back. It is heavy and wet and screaming and sad, it is present. How do people suffer without God? God who is love, God who wants to give us everything we need? How do they do ANYTHING without the knowledge of Christ and His GREAT love for us? I don't know. Because I have the privilege of experiencing His comfort, His solace, His compassion, His strength, His grieving for us, His promises (so, so many promises!), and each night (or early morning hours in my case), as I finally slip off to bed, exhausted from the whole process of the day; I remember that if there is a tomorrow-His GREATNESS will be available to me all day again! What a Father, ha? What a Holy, Amazing, Gracious, Living God we have.....Do you have Him? Oh my heart is heavy for anyone that does not know Him. Let me know if you would like to know Him.


Sarah said...

Lesley, I just found your blog. Thank you for being transparent, real, and true to the Lord through your struggles. This alone is a blessing to others.

We keep praying for you.

Alex Jerry; Steph Jerry said...

Hi Lesley. I do pray that day comes very soon for your family. I keep looking at Gretta's soft chubby baby arms as she kisses your mom and I can't even imagine losing something so precious.
The one thing that I hope you can see even now is that this has touched SO many people. People that didn't even know you, such as myself, have been affected. People who have been rebelling from the Lord have been brought back to His feet through your testimony of His love and grace. People are watching you. They see your pain and the way you are able to say how badly it hurts. You don't pretend to have it all worked out. At the same time, they can see how you've been able to get back up day after day and continue to trust Him with your life. You've made a point of not being angry with God even though you don't understand. Your testimony has affected thousands. Literally.
God has taken Gretta for the moment. But in return, He's given you a large audience and you have used it for His glory. I can bet He's a proud Daddy.
I am still praying for your family. Hang in there. I pray you'll see the big picture very soon.