Sometimes I am Just Sad

All day today I have been on the verge of tears. Everything I see, read, listen to or do makes me sad. I can't seem to shake it. I do not feel comforted, warm, or protected from this wave of sadness that surrounds me. I want to lay down and sleep and think it would be a bonus if I just didn't wake up.

This is where I am at today. I never know where I will be at from day to day. I don't have anything encouraging to say or comfort to extend to those who are praying for me. I am thankful people are praying, I can't imagine what that would be like....not having the prayer support.

I know that it is easy to slip into a spirit of pity, sorry that we are missing all the things that could have been.

Gretta was just talking when she died. Everyday she said new words, you know, that stage when they are just bursting forth with learning and growing. I think about what she would have sounded like trying to say "Christmas" or "Christmas tree" or "Presents". How excited she would have been at the blinking lights on the tree. How much longer her hair would have been. We picture how many times she would probably try to sneak over and unwrap presents and how in her truest form, she would have kept doing it no matter how many times we disciplined her. That was Gretta. No fear.

As I watch my little Russell playing alone with a couple stuffed animals and talking to himself, I think how unfair it is that he had a playmate and now he is having to learn to play alone. It just doesn't seem right.

I should say that I am taking great comfort in the blessings we do have. But today, I just can't seem to do that. That is where I am at today. That is where I will probably be all day today.

I'm just sad.